Rejoice in What You are Given

After my father’s death several years ago, I grieved not just from the loss of him personally but from the closing of a door on my longing for him to be the Dad I thought he could. It wasn’t that he didn’t love me. But, for whatever reason, he couldn’t give up the bottle.

I tried to fit my dad into a mold. A mold of the dad I wanted him to be. But he was only himself, flaws and all.

Sometimes we place high expectations on ourselves or those we love. But, in our human state we aren’t able to live up to them.

Instead of rejoicing in the dad God gave me, I desired something else. Maybe to some it is justified to expect the best from our loved ones. But, for others, it is an emotionally crippling state to constantly know you have, yet again, let your family down.

Sometimes we are so overwhelmed that we create our own reality. A reality in which the suffering, uncomfortable part of life vanishes. The problem with this line of thinking is it will not bring healing.

One day, usually far in the future beyond our routine and naively created mindset, all of our emotional baggage resurfaces. The massive overflow of negative emotions and sense of overwhelming loss is devastating.

Years of pent up anxiety and grief hemorrhage from our soul. It felt like the ghost of the past rushed from behind and run me over like a Mac Truck.

I metaphorically lay in the middle of a desolate, very silent, and barren land and sank into the earth in despair. Barely breathing with my mind numb, life as I knew it came to a screeching halt. God said, it is time to unearth the lies and heal it with My Truth.

God spoke sweet words of comfort to my soul. “I am your Heavenly Father. I am the one you seek. I can meet all your needs. You don’t need an illusion of who your earthly father should be. You need a revelation of who your Heavenly Father is!

Those times you wanted your father’s comfort but he could not give it, I was there and I did. I saw your first and only concert. I ushered you off to your senior prom. Even though it felt many times like you didn’t have a father, you did. It was me.

I was there the day each of your children were born, the day you got your first kiss and the day the world came crashing down. It was I who lovingly held you and comforted you.

Before your first tear, I knew the steps I had planned for you. I knew the path you would take. I spared not even my Son as I placed the stepping stones before you asking you to trust Me. If your father had been the man you envisioned you would not know Me like you do. Rejoice in what you have been given.”

“Consider it a great joy,my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But, endurance must do it’s complete work, so that you may be mature and complete lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4 HCSV